Negotiating the holidays

One thing I despise most about the holidays is giving up my daughter. Her father has visitation rights for every Wednesday afternoon, every other weekend, and most holidays. I know I should be nicer about it, but I really really resent the whole thing. It just isn't what I expected when I became a mother -- that my daughter would spend the holidays with someone else who ripped her family apart instead of spending those holidays with me. Nonetheless, the situation remains. It is not so much the sharing that bothers me anymore as it is the condition she is in when she returns home.

Today my husband and I set out to pick her up from her father's home. When we arrived at 3:30 pm and came inside, she was seemingly ok. About five minutes into the drive home, she is complaining that she is sleepy and that her stomach hurts. 15 minutes into the drive, she is sound asleep in the back seat. I look at her, and explain to my husband that this is what I hate about this whole thing. From the moment I knew this child existed inside me, I put her health and care above all else. Then her father moves out, demands overnights and weekends, and what comes back to me after these stays is a malnourished, sleep-deprived, cranky and sidestream smoke-ridden little girl. Only two months ago, I picked up Grace after a two-day weekend when her father called me to tell me she was sick and vomiting. Indeed, she could not stop vomiting. We went straight to the ER, spent 9 hours there trying to get her re-hydrated and stabilized, and then spent the next four days getting her diet back to normal. 

How am I supposed to react to these situations as a mother? How am I supposed to protect my child and keep her healthy and happy? How am I supposed to raise her to be the best woman she can be under these circumstances?

When we get home this afternoon, I ask her if she wants a cup of hot apple cider. She says yes. I ask her what she has eaten today, and says she ate a frozen waffle and juice for breakfast. I decide to fix her a whole meal with turkey and vegetables. We also have ice cream. Then she takes a shower and washes her filthy hair. Finally, she unpacks her suitcase and gives me the clothing to be washed. And I think we are back to normal.