Grace has finals next week. A little important, could we say? Why yes, they are.
Grace is taking medication every day for ADD. It is important, as per her doctor's orders, that she get regular and adequate sleep, and eat regular and adequate meals.
Grace has a chronic disorder that gets exacerbated when she gets sleep-deprived and goes a few days without healthy food. It lands her in the ER and she needs about 4-5 days to recover fully.
A few weeks ago, many of you witnessed my ire as it was evident that Grace had gone away to her father's house for the weekend and neglected to do several school assignments. Actually, it was the third weekend that she had spent at her father's house in a row that I had told her to make sure she did the missing assignments and she failed to complete them.
Since that time, you can imagine that I have had some attempts at communication with Grace's father regarding the importance of regularity in Grace's life. Let's not get into the details and just leave it at this: he has unequivocally assured me that her time with him is organized, balanced, and normal in every single way I would hope for her time to be. Lots of words have passed. No hint that there was any disagreement with what I had laid out.
Additionally, there was scolding of Grace (by her father in front of me) that she was sneaking behind her dad's back, doing things she wasn't supposed to. Like staying up surfing the web, watching late night tv until wee hours of the night, and concealing homework she might need to do.
Did I tell Grace's dad going into this weekend that it was an especially important weekend, given finals next week? Hell, yes. Once over the phone, once in person, and twice in email. In the last three days. Did I explain it clearly? Oh, yes sirree. Was there any possible miscommunication? No, none. Absolutely none. Grace's dad and her stepmother are not only able to help her be disciplined in her daily schedule and in doing her school work, they were committed to making sure nothing interfered with what Grace needed. This weekend or ever in the future.
Here goes.
I just got a message from Grace via facebook as part of an ongoing thread she and I have had going today. It was date stamped 11:14p. She explained that she had studied a bit this afternoon, then went to the mall to go shopping. But most importantly, she wanted me to know that she was staying up to watch Saturday Night Live. Until 1a. On the weekend of daylight savings time spring forward, which means she's really watching tv until 2a. I replied and asked her PLEASE GO TO BED and DON'T STAY UP WATCHING TV.
I'm just now realizing that it was her father's snowjobbing me so well that kept me married to him for so many years despite all warning signs that he was a functionally-absent husband and father.
As a last note, I throw this one thought out there. I'm realizing that Grace, while visiting with her father, will never choose to do the "right" thing rather than the fun thing. Because her father is a fun times guy who's enjoying life despite his lack of taking care of his responsibilities. And for Grace to choose to do something different while she is with him could mean risking the close relationship that she strives to acheive.
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1 comments:
OoooH, I would be pissed! Why can't he be a dad and set down a few rules? I am sorry that you have to go through that. I guess the best way to keep yourself sane in it is to remember that you cannot control him, or his behavior- obviously. So take a deep breath and keep going.
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